


Tipping the Scales

by Quarantinevibes



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Intrulogical - Freeform, Caring Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Caring Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Descriptions of Injury, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fainting, Fluff, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Injured Janus Sanders, Insecure Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Janus is short, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Panic Attacks, Protective Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Roceit - Freeform, Swearing, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Thanks for 500 kudos!!, Torture, Unsympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders, but he snaps out of it, i don't make the rules, look at me, wrote Roceit once and now I'm Roceit trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:02:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24896626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quarantinevibes/pseuds/Quarantinevibes
Summary: Each of Janus's scales represents a lie Thomas has told. When a troubling situation makes Thomas desperate to be a good person, Patton is forced to do the unthinkable.The aftermath leaves Janus reeling, but he’s determined not to show it. Will he be able to pick himself back up or will he have to accept the help of a stubborn prince?Complete!
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 889
Kudos: 876





	1. Well That E-scale-ated Quickly

“Oh would you shut it, you untuned lyre!”

“ _Do_ keep it up with the nicknames, Roman, you’re so very good at them.”

“I’m just saying you need a tuning fork to set that attitude of yours!”

“Maybe I can use one to tune you out!”

“Oh fork you!”

Janus was breathing heavily, spitting the commentary back and forth between himself and Roman like a game of verbal ping pong. It had been like this ever since the wedding, with Janus showing up much more often and he and Roman going for the jugular every time they made eye contact with each other.

Thomas stood in the middle with his hands up, eyes darting between the both of them, Patton was laughing nervously, and Virgil had his hands jammed all the way into his pockets.

“Guys?” Thomas started, but Janus and Roman’s shouting match was drowning him out, “ _GUYS_.”

Janus tore his eyes away from Roman, settling for looking at his nails and pretending to file them.

“You’re wearing gloves,” Roman said, exasperation clear in his voice, but Janus ignored him and made a show of checking for dirt and pushing his cuticles back. Thomas gave Roman a pointed look and Roman huffed.

“Guys,” Thomas began again, “Come on, I need your help on this. I don’t know what to do. My friend says that I announced one of her secrets at a party last month. She’s really mad, but I don’t remember doing anything!”

“Just apologize!” Patton said, suspicious dark bags crowding around his eyes. Both Janus and Roman groaned, then glared at each other.

“Thomas, you don’t remember doing anything. You weren’t drunk at that party so why should you apologize for something you didn’t do? Have some dignity!” Roman said.

“But what if he _did_ and he just doesn’t remember because it was so long ago?” Virgil groaned and looked longingly at where Logan usually stood.

Both Logan and Remus had ventured off to Remus’s side of the Imagination to ‘collect samples’. Logan got excited when Remus told him about the different, possibly carnivorous vegetation that lived there and Remus went along ‘for fun’. Though, if Remus coming into his room at 3 AM to rant about the ‘pretty nerd’ (he’s so cute! And he likes to ramble, just like me! And he likes octopi, just like me!) taught him anything, Janus suspected that Remus really wanted the chance to save Logan from the monsters that lurked in his realm.

“Thomas,” Janus crooned, “There’s no way to know whether you said it or you didn’t. But are you the type of person who would reveal a secret at a party for no reason?”

Thomas frowned, “Well, no. But-”

“Then just say you didn’t!”

“But he doesn’t know that he didn’t!” Patton protested, “I know that you can make valid points, Janus, but I still think that lying in this situation is wrong!”

“We can get out of this without lying! Stop trying to corrupt Thomas you…you…snaked potato!”

Janus threw his hands up in the air, “I’m not _corrupting_ Thomas, I’m a part of him!” he pointed to his scales, “Each of these scales represents a lie that Thomas has told so whether you like it or not, Thomas has lied before and he can lie again!”

Patton didn’t seem to have an answer for that. His eyes widened slightly as he stared at Janus’s scales. As if he were counting each one. Janus squirmed under the gaze, strangely unable to read Patton’s expression.

Roman groaned, “Why did she even wait so long to ask you about this?”

“Maybe she was debating whether to just drop you completely,” Virgil offered and everyone collectively winced. Thomas sighed and sat on the couch.

“Maybe,” he said, miserably and Virgil straightened a bit.

“Wait, no I didn’t mean-”

Thomas put his hand up, “No, you’re right. Maybe, maybe I _did_ say it. Maybe she has proof and she’s just waiting for me to come clean and now it’s been too long and our friendship will never be the same and possibly destroyed and-”

Virgil’s eyeshadow had darkened considerably, his head curling next to his chest like he was a turtle retreating into his shell.

“Virgil,” Roman chided gently and when Virgil didn’t look up, Roman crossed the room and put his hand on his shoulder. Virgil looked up, caught a glance of Thomas, and took a deep breath in.

“Thomas, maybe we should table this issue for a bit, for when you’re in a better head space,” Virgil said, “I…I think I should head out for a bit, don’t want to make things worse.”

Thomas looked up, about to argue, but Virgil put his hand up in a placating gesture.

“It’s ok, I’ll be back. Just, we both need a break, I think,” he said with a small smile. Thomas stared for a bit before nodding.

“I’ll come with you,” Roman said softly. Janus could hardly believe the same tone came out of the person he had been arguing with before. Virgil smiled at him before they both sank out. Thomas stared at the spot a little dully before looking up at Janus and Patton.

“I just want to be a good person,” Thomas said, “I just- why is that so hard?”

Janus and Patton shared a worried look.

“You _are_ a good person, Thomas,” Janus said, but Thomas did not look convinced. Janus looked at Patton, “Tell him Patton!”

Patton shuffled from foot to foot, again looking at Janus’s scales with a strange look.

“Just,” Thomas said and waved his hand, “I’ll be ok, just leave me alone for a bit, ok?”

Janus opened his mouth to argue, but the absolutely defeated look in Thomas’s eyes made him stop.

“Ok, just. Be kind to yourself, Thomas,” Janus said quietly as both he and Patton sank out. They didn’t say anything to each other, but both of them ended up sitting on the living room couch rather than going back to their rooms. Patton sat with his hands clenched in his lap, his head bowed down as if he were in prayer. Janus let a few moments pass before speaking up.

“Thomas _is_ a good person,” Janus said, firmly. Patton shook his head, the motion almost imperceptible.

“He certainly wants to be,” Patton said quietly.

“Patton!”

“I know what that sounds like!” Patton yelled, snapping his head up and looking at Janus, “but I don’t know! I don’t know what makes a good person anymore! Which means Thomas doesn’t and I’m hearing all these…thoughts all the time, Janus! Thoughts that are _begging_ me to just make it easy. Make it so that he thinks he’s good again!”

Patton put his hands to his ears, “And it’s, it’s so loud and desperate and it takes everything in me not to give into those voices because I _know_ it’s not supposed to be easy, but, after that conversation I-” Patton said, but cut himself off, his shoulders shaking slightly, “ugh, it’s so _loud_.”

Janus put a hand on Patton’s shoulder, his brows deeply furrowed. Patton had gone pale, the shaking had gotten so bad that Janus was surprised that he hadn’t fallen off the couch.

“Patton?” Janus asked, but the other side did not lift his head.

“It’s so loud, it’s so, so, I-” Patton’s eyes were squeezed shut, “It would be so easy, so easy, he just wants to be good-no! He just-,”

“Patton!” Janus yelled, feeling a bit like a broken record. The other side had gone from mildly concerning to fully freaking Janus out. He grabbed Patton’s shoulders and forced him to look up.

Janus gasped.

Patton was looking straight ahead, blankly, as if he couldn’t see Janus at all. His mouth was slightly open and his eyes…were glowing. A bright, blinding, electric blue. Patton blinked for a moment before his head swiveled unsurely on its axis. He turned, the motions jerky and mechanical, before looking directly at Janus.

“ **It would be so easy without you.** ”


	2. Scal(e)ding hot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Notes: injury, descriptions of injury/ blood, body horror, torture, non-consensual touching (NOT sexual in nature, but I'm tagging just in case)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😡<\-- the readers when they realize the story title is a pun
> 
> Hello there! Thank you so much for reading, hope you enjoy the chapter :)

Janus liked to handle his issues alone. He prided himself on being able to get out of trouble by using his quick thinking and wits.

But he drew the line at glowing eyes.

Who could he call though? Remus and Logan wouldn’t hear him and Virgil was just getting over something. Janus groaned internally.

“Ro-” he started, but something had slapped itself in front of his mouth. Janus made a questioning grunt as his hat flew off his head. He looked at where Patton had stopped him from talking.

Patton grinned widely. He lifted a hand and ran his fingers along Janus’s scales. Janus shivered, his scales were rather sensitive and Patton was _not_ being gentle.

“ **So each of these is a lie?** ” Patton asked, but his voice wasn’t his own. It echoed around the room but somehow was barely above a whisper at the same time. Patton frowned, “ **That can’t be right**.”

Janus squirmed, his scales had somehow started to get uncomfortably hot.

“ **Thomas can’t lie.”**

The heat was building up, crossing the line from uncomfortable to mildly painful. Janus wriggled, but Patton’s grip on his face was like iron. Janus tried to stand up, but Patton pushed him back. Janus used his legs and put them on the couch, trying to use the leverage to get Patton off him, but Patton just laughed and pinned them down with his weight.

His scales were scorching now, the pain made it so that he could barely suppress a whimper. Patton had loosened his grip enough for Janus to move his face again.

“Patton, snap out of it!” he yelled, but Patton’s grip hardened once more.

 **“Thomas is a good person and these,”** Patton’s grasped one of the scales on Janus’s neck, “ **Aren’t. Thomas.”**

Patton yanked down and Janus’s eyes widened. He barely had time to process what had happened, the pain didn’t register in his head. Patton threw the bloody scale away in disgust and unhooked Janus’s cape. He grabbed the scales at his shoulder and yanked again.

This time, Janus felt it. He threw back his head and screamed, but the sound was muffled by Patton’s hand. A part of Janus, the part that was not currently screaming, thought _even if you take away my scales, it won’t erase the lie. Plus they’ll just grow back_.

But that was a very small part. The rest of Janus was more concerned with getting Patton _off._ Janus shoved against him, but it was as if Patton had super strength. Janus knew that Thomas had strong values, but this was just ridiculous.

Patton raked his hand across Janus’s cheek, leaving small rivulets of blood in its wake. He reached behind Janus and tore another scale from his neck, but the scale didn’t come cleanly. Instead, it latched onto another and both scales and skin ripped out.

“ _AGGHHHH,”_ Janus screamed.

His back arched, his body spasming for a moment, before he let out another scream. The pain was fogging up his vision, blood dripped into his eyes and stained his clothes. His entire world was red with blood and pain and fire.

All of Janus’s coherent thoughts were gone now. Patton’s hand was making it hard to breathe and all he could think was _get off get off can’t breathe stop it stop stop hurts stop get OFF-_

Was he still screaming? His throat certainly felt as if that were the case. Janus blinked hard, trying to refocus his vision. A particularly stubborn scale as the base of Janus’s clavicle was giving Patton a hard time. He move his hand from Janus’s mouth to help tear it out and Janus pounced on the opportunity.

“ROMAN!” he screamed, “RO-MMPH,” Patton had closed his mouth again, his eyes flickering angrily. Janus screamed anyways, as loud as he could with a hand in the way. He screwed his eyes shut, trying to stem the flow of tears.

“What do you want baby-back fibs?” called a voice and Janus nearly sobbed with relief.

Roman had risen up into the common room, looking vaguely annoyed until he took in the scene on front of him.

“What the-?” Roman started, but didn’t finish as Patton yanked off another one of Janus’s scales, adding it to the growing pile on the floor. It would have been a pretty sight, a glittering heap of semi-luminescent scales, had it not been for the blood and bits of flesh.

Janus screamed again, this time actually letting out a half-sob and Roman shook out of his shock and rushed forwards. He grabbed Patton’s shoulders and tried to pull him off.

“Patton, what are you doing?!”

Patton turned to Roman and smiled. Roman gasped.

“Your eyes-”

“ **I’m doing what should have been done. You said it yourself. He’s evil.”**

Roman sputtered, “I! That- no one deserves this! Patton, stop!” he dug his heels into the ground and tried to get Patton to budge, but with no success. Patton narrowed his eyes, flipped his hand, and Roman went flying across the room. His back slammed into the wall.

With Patton’s hand finally off of him, Janus flipped onto his stomach. He clawed for the arm of the couch, trying to use it to pull himself out from under Patton, but a blinding pain in his back forced a strangled noise out of his mouth and he fell back onto the couch.

Roman charged again.

“Virgil!” he called, and Janus heard scuffling from behind him, but he couldn’t see anything. He had his face buried in the couch cushion. His hands gripped at the sides of the couch and he tried to focus on how the couch smelt faintly woodsy and how the material stuck onto his gloves and _anything else besides the pain, pain, pain._

There were more sounds from behind him. Janus could just make out some words.

“Wha…happe…Patton…out o…it!”

“Don’t….sto….get…-”

“ **Doing…good…Thomas-”**

“Let him _….that…you…off!”_

Janus wasn’t sure how much time passed, but finally the weight on his legs was lifted. Janus didn’t try to get off the couch again, though. He only pulled his legs to his chin and curled around himself. Now that some of his initial adrenaline had worn off, his entire body felt raw. It pulsed to the beat of his heart.

Someone was shaking him gently, but even the small movement set his skin on fire again.

“Come on Shostakovich’s False, let me see how bad it is,” said a voice, but Janus just curled in on himself even tighter. The person let out a small sigh and slowly, carefully, sat him up. They sucked in a breath.

“Shit,” said the voice quietly and Janus opened his eyes.

Roman was staring back at him, eyes dark and full of something…concern? Roman reached a hand towards Janus’s face and Janus flinched back so hard that he got stuck between the creases of the couch cushions.

Roman paled.

“Oh…hey, no. I’m not going to hurt you sna- Janus. I promise.”

That could have easily been a lie. As the lord of the lies, Janus should know. But there was something about how Roman said it that, as he reached his hand towards him again, he didn’t flinch back.

“Shit,” Roman repeated, letting his thumb trace the outer edges of a torn out scale. The touch was so gentle that Janus felt something in him break. He was shaking. Hard. Why was he shaking so hard? He clutched at Roman’s sash, red, but not the awful red that had surrounded him earlier, this was a safe red. He leaned his face into it and let out a sob. A small pathetic sound that usually, Janus would never let anyone hear. Right now, he was too tired to care.

Roman hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around Janus and patting him, a bit awkwardly.

“Uh-um, it’s-it’s ok. It’s ok, I got you,” Roman muttered and swore under his breath, “He’s trembling like a leaf, Virge. What should we do?”

Someone, Janus assumed it was Virgil, shuffled to the right of him.

“I’ll take care of Patton. He snapped out of it, but I don’t think I should leave him alone,” Virgil said and paused. More shuffling, the sound of someone crying softly.

“I’m so sorry,” came another voice, so cracked and broken that Janus couldn’t recognize it.

A long pause then. Janus’s sobs had plateaued to whimpering sniffles.

“We’ll wait for Logan and Remus to come back before we regroup,” Virgil said. Janus felt himself being lifted, the motion irritated his attacked skin, but Janus was so removed from the pain at that point that he didn’t make a sound. He only kept his face buried in Roman’s chest.

“Do you think you can take care of him?” Virgil asked and Roman shifted from under him.

“I’ll take care of him.”


	3. What (Sc)ails You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Notes: description of injury/ pain/ blood, fainting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😡 <\-- the readers when they find out all the chapter titles will also, probably, be puns
> 
> Hello!!  
> WOWEE I've said it once, but I'll say it again, this fandom will never stop surprising me with how supportive it can be! THANK YOU so much for reading!! Your comments (though some of them are just screaming which, honestly, mood ;) ) and kudos truly make my day! Hope you enjoy the chapter ;)

Janus was set on something unbelievably soft. He nearly sank into the material before he realized that he was on Roman’s bed. He felt around, but kept his face resolutely in Roman’s sash, not quite ready to face reality yet.

“I kind of need to see your wounds to take care of them,” Roman chided, not unkindly. Reluctantly, Janus tore his face away. He glanced at where he had left dark red stains on Roman’s white prince costume.

“Sorry,” Janus muttered, wincing at how his voice creaked out of his throat, “And uh…thank you. For saving me.”

Roman stared at him for a moment. The two shuffled awkwardly and Janus had to hold in a gasp at the movement.

“Well I wasn’t just going to leave you all bloody in the living room,” Roman finally said with a small smile, but didn’t press Janus for details which Janus was incredibly grateful for. He didn’t think he could explain, could barely bring himself to think about it without that damn shaking overtaking him again.

Roman waved his hand and a few supplies appeared on the bed: painkillers, alcohol prep, gauze, bandages, and a small suturing kit. Janus tried to focus on what Roman was doing to keep himself from passing out. He raised an eyebrow at the selection.

“Ah,” Roman said, following Janus’s gaze, “Remus and I can get pretty banged up in the Imagination. I’ve learned how to take care of a nasty wound or two over the years.”

His words were light, but Roman’s voice was steady, calming. Janus wanted to lean into it, but instead brought himself to reply.

“Ok, well. Don’t suture anything. The scales should grow back into place on their own.”

Roman nodded, gave Janus the painkillers, and waved his hand again. A small mirror popped into existence. He handed it to Janus who took it with a tilt of his head.

“I’m not sure if now’s the time for vanity, Roman.”

Roman rolled his eyes and handed Janus an alcohol prep pad. “It’s not for vanity, snakes and ladders. I figure your skin must be pretty sensitive at the moment. I can help with your shoulder and back, but perhaps you’d prefer taking care of your face and neck?”

Janus blinked. That was oddly…astute, for Roman. And Roman was going to, to help him? Why? Why had he brought Janus to his room instead of leaving him in his own?

Janus didn’t want to know, afraid that if he asked, Roman would do just that. Instead, Janus reached for the mirror, held it up, and tried to hold back a grimace.

Janus’s cape and hat were gone, probably left forgotten in the common room. He was only in his black T-shirt (it was hot that day so he hadn’t worn his full outfit) and the front was soaked in dark liquid. An unholy mix of blood, sweat, and tears.

Janus turned his face. There was a long scratch on it, but Patton had only taken out one scale. There were more than a few missing from his neck though and his shoulder was an absolute mess. Janus sighed and opened the prep pad. He dabbed it against his skin.

And promptly dropped it and the mirror.

“Janus?” Roman asked, instantly straightening. Janus squeezed his eyes shut and cradled his cheek because _ow_ that _hurt_.

“Ugh,” Janus groaned and tried again, but as soon as he touched his face with the prep pad, he dropped it again.

“Dammit,” Janus muttered, attempting to pick the mirror and prep pad up for the third time before Roman put out a hand and stopped him.

“Uh, why don’t you let me do it?” Roman asked. Janus opened his mouth to argue, but then he remembered how gentle Roman had been before. He squirmed for a few moments, Roman’s gaze on him was steady, but patient. Janus sighed and sat back, his head leaning against the headboard and his eyes closing.

It seemed to take Roman a moment to understand Janus’s actions as a confirmation. Janus heard Roman moving around the supplies before he felt something warm and the faint scent of strawberries waft just in front of his face. Janus opened his eyes and Roman was inches away, his gaze trained towards Janus’s cheek.

“This’ll sting,” Roman said softly and Janus laughed without mirth.

“I know.”

Roman started cleaning, with the prep pad around the edges and with water for the actual wound, and it took all of Janus’s willpower not to move (though he was unleashing a litany of curses into the Prince’s room). When Roman was done with his face, he moved onto his neck and shoulders.

As soon as he touched those wounds, Janus couldn’t hold himself back. He kicked reflexively and shoved his face against Roman’s headboard. He turned away and stuffed his fist into his mouth to keep from screaming.

“Sorry, sorry. Almost done, I promise,” Roman muttered and Janus really, _really_ hoped he wasn’t lying. Janus kicked again and Roman let out a surprised squeak when his materials were knocked out of his hands.

Janus started to apologize, but Roman shook his head.

“It’s ok, it’s ok, just try your best not to move.”

And Janus did, but it felt like Roman was washing him with acid. Every dab burnt. Every rub against the bandages felt like he was body checking a cactus.

“Ok, just the back left,” Roman said and if Janus were a bit more coherent, he would have asked how Roman had cleaned, medicated, and bandaged all of that so quickly.

Roman shifted Janus so that he was now sitting in the middle of the bed. He looked at Janus’s back and tapped his chin thoughtfully.

“What is it?” Janus managed to ask, remembering the blinding pain that had bloomed in the spot Roman was looking at.   
“It’s-” Roman started, “this one’s pretty bad,” he finished lamely.

 _It’s all pretty bad_ Janus thought and closed his eyes to brace himself.

He was not prepared.

Roman had switched from alcohol pads to some sort of spray. The first spritz felt like he had shot Janus full of tiny, pebble-like, bullets. Janus screamed, he fell backwards and his head fell onto Roman’s shoulder.

“Sorry!” Roman yelped again, catching him, but Janus couldn’t even acknowledge it. He turned his face and leaned his head against Roman’s neck.

“Ow,” Janus said through clenched teeth after breathing harshly for a few minutes. His eyelids felt heavy, they were fluttering uncontrollably and it was all he could do to keep from falling asleep in the new, strangely comfortable position.

Roman squirmed.

“Um, Janus?” he asked and Janus hummed in response, not bothering to get up.

“That…that kind of tickles,” Roman said and Janus’s eyes shot open.

Roman had a small blush across his face. Janus blinked, then realized that the new, comfortable position was a rather…intimate one.

Janus lurched forwards, then nearly fell down again when his back screamed in protest. Roman steadied him before he could. He was saying something about needing to attend to the wound on his back to prevent infection, something about the bandages, but Janus could hardly hear his over the rush of blood in his ears.

“-art now, ok?” Roman said and Janus hummed, unsure of what he said.

And then the fire was back, gasoline drenching his back and forcing his mind blank. He was screaming again, he hunched over and buried his face in his hands. The pain was coming in waves now and Janus felt himself shudder through each one.

When the pain had ebbed into a dull ache, Janus looked up. Roman was in front of him now, saying something, but Janus couldn’t make it out. His eyelids had become heavy again, but Janus couldn’t keep them open this time. He pitched forwards and landed on Roman’s shoulder (this was starting to become a habit, Janus observed distantly). He felt his head being set down onto something that was somehow even softer than the bed.

Janus turned his head and passed out.


	4. Not Quite to Scale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Logan return from their trip  
> (Roman's POV)
> 
> Notes: some disturbing imagery/ descriptions of injury

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo all you lovely readers :D  
> Thank you SO much for your support and for reading! Hope you enjoy the chapter ;)

Roman stared at the side sleeping in his bed and tried to catch his breath.

His head was still reeling. One moment, he was talking Virgil through Thomas’s most recent predicament and the next, he was wrestling Patton of all people away from his arch rival. And now that same arch rival was resting comfortably on Roman’s bed. It was a…strange situation, Roman had to admit, but no self-respecting prince would ever deny a cry for help. No matter who it came from.

Roman groaned and rubbed his back, still sore from where he hit the wall earlier.

Virgil had somehow talked Patton out of the strange trance he had been in, but Patton had broken down almost immediately afterwards, not able to give them a coherent explanation and Janus…

Roman grimaced.

The normally coy, put-together side had been in hysterics, gasping for air and his eyes wide in terror. And Roman didn’t blame him. The injuries had been…extensive. In addition to his scales being gouged out, deep cuts had been dug into his back. Tending to the wounds had been a nightmare. Roman hated inflicting pain on anything besides the monsters he conjured and Janus’s screams drove spears of ice into his heart. Though at one point, while bandaging his back, Janus had gone completely silent and that scared Roman even more.

Now, mercifully, Janus was asleep. His expression was still slightly pinched and some of his hair was stuck under the bandage on his face. Roman moved to detangle it, making sure not to pull. When he was able to successfully wrestle the strand out, he brushed it back, surprised at how soft the hair was. Roman carded his hand through his hair again and immediately, Janus’s expression relaxed. Roman blinked. The painkillers must have been doing their job.

Roman nodded and turned. He could hear his brother in the common room which meant that he and Logan must have been back from their expedition. Roman quietly dimmed the lights, clicked his door closed behind him, and walked into the common room.

“Did you all have a blood war without me?!” Remus exclaimed upon seeing Roman.

“How many times have I told you? If you’re going to stain the couch, make sure to have the appropriate cleaners on hand,” Logan said and pushed his glasses up his nose.

“Ooooh, Roman’s in trouble~” Remus sang and Roman held back the urge to roll his eyes. Instead, he turned to Logan.

“Actually, you guys missed al-”

“Oh! Are these seashells?” Remus exclaimed and sat down to inspect a pile of something glittering near the couch.

Roman closed his eyes and willed himself not to throw up.

Logan hummed and kneeled down next to Remus.

“These…these actually look rather familiar. Certainly reptilian in nature,” he picked up a scale that had a small string of flesh attached to it.

“They’re Janus’s,” Roman said quietly and forced his lunch back into his GI tract.

“But it’s not time for him to shed?” Remus said, not processing, “and why is there so much flesh and blood? Not that I’m not a fan but-”

Remus stopped, taking in Roman’s expression.

“Roman?” Remus asked, his eyes narrow, “Roman, what is it?”

Roman opened his eyes and gulped. Remus stepped forwards.

“Where is Janus, Roman?” Remus asked and when Roman didn’t answer, Remus grabbed Roman’s collar and slammed him against the wall, the impact made him wince.

“ _ROMAN_ ,”

“He’s ok!” Roman said finally, “He’s in my room, resting!”

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!”

“It wasn’t me!” Roman yelled and pushed back.

“THEN WHO-”

“It was me.”

Roman, Remus, and Logan all turned towards the source of the voice.

Patton was standing next to Virgil, clutching his shirt and looking like an absolute mess.

Remus let out a high pitched laugh that lasted a full minute before he crouched down and looked up at Patton, his grin wild and crazed.

“I-I’m sorry, I just thought I heard _you_ say you did something to Janus,” Remus giggled.

“I did,” Patton started, “I-I didn’t mean to, I’m so,” his breath hitched and Virgil put a hand on his shoulder. Remus frowned and would’ve been inches away from Patton’s face had Virgil not been there to shove him away.

“He really didn’t mean to, Remus,” Virgil muttered.

“See, you keep saying that, but I don’t even know what he did yet!” Remus laughed. Virgil sighed.

And then told them everything. Most of it was what Roman already knew. That they had come into the common room to find a near-possessed Patton tearing, ripping, and shredding away at Janus. It had taken all of Virgil and Roman’s strength as well as Virgil’s tempest tongue to snap him out of it.

Then, Virgil told them what Roman did not know. That Patton had been dealing with conflicting voices of Thomas’s thoughts since the ‘Moving On’ video. Thoughts that demanded Thomas be perfect. That he had been trying to keep them at bay, but the conversation that day brought it to a tipping point.

“Apparently, Thomas is at a junction at who he is and who he wants to be. All the expectations he has for himself? All his fears and doubts of whether he really is a good person? Those go to Patton,” Virgil finished.

Roman felt a lump in his throat. He never noticed that Patton was going through so much.

Remus was quiet for a moment. A scary thing when it was applied to Remus. Then, his grin grew and he marched forwards haltingly.

“You tore out his scales?” Remus asked, his stepping getting louder each time he went forwards.

Remus tilted his head, and pushed Virgil out of the way.

“Did you know some scales are homologous to our teeth? In a way, it’s like you were _ripping_ ,” Remus held his hair and ripped some out, “his teeth out! Now that’s cruel, even for me!”

He was close to Patton’s face now, but Patton didn’t move backwards. He only stood in place, breathing rapidly.

“Shall I rip your teeth out? See how you like it?” he asked.

Patton didn’t say anything and Remus was about to move forwards when something stopped him.

“Remus,” Logan said, voice quiet as he grabbed the other side’s hand.

Remus looked back and the two of them seemed to have a silent conversation. The only sounds were the leaky faucet in the kitchen and Patton’s breathing.

“He’s my best friend, Logan,” Remus finally said.

“I know. And Patton is mine,” Logan said.

The two had their staring contest for a moment longer before Remus sighed and stepped back. He turned to Roman.   
“Take me to him.”


	5. The Wind in my S(c)ails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus wakes up  
> Notes: swearing, mild descriptions of blood/ injury

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of fluff after that angst fest ;) Thank you so much for reading, hope you enjoy the chapter! :D

“Jesus _fuck_ ,” Remus said upon entering Roman’s room.

Roman grimaced. Remus had worded it colorfully, but he was right. Roman had forgotten how bad Janus looked. Well, not that he looked bad, just that his injuries looked bad. Janus himself actually he looked rather good usually and when Roman had seen his scales up close earlier he realized that they were actually quite pretty when they hadn’t been ripped out of their sockets, and-

Roman shook his head and blushed. Where the heck did those thoughts come from?

Janus was lying on the bed, his face with a small patch, neck and shoulder covered in bandages, and the sheets soaked dark red. Roman had forgotten that he hadn’t washed them before letting Janus rest and both Logan and even Remus looked slightly green at the sight.

Roman snapped and the sheets cleaned themselves.

“I’m going to kill him,” Remus growled.

“Remus,” Logan said, almost desperately and Remus groaned.

“I know, I know, but I want to,” he cast a glance at Janus.

“He didn’t know what he was doing.”

“And I can pretend I don’t when I _kill him_.”

“Who’s killing whom now?” came a groggy voice.

Logan and Remus swiveled around.

“Janus!” Remus cried as he launched himself into the snake side’s arms.

“AGH-Remus!” Janus yelled and Remus pulled back with a sheepish grin.

“Sorry,” he said, then looked in wonder at the bandages, “Damn, Pops really did a number on you thought, didn’t he.”

Janus blinked, still a little hazy from just waking up.

“Wha-?” he started and then closed his eyes, the shiver barely perceptible, “Oh. Yes. Right.”

Janus went quiet.

“Are you ok?” Roman asked. Janus looked up, eyes wide for a moment before his signature smirk graced his face.

“Yes, fine now. I can hardly,” he shifted, poorly hiding a wince, “feel a thing. Um, Remus could you-”

Remus waved his hand and Janus’s staff appeared in front of them. Janus smiled gratefully, a genuine smile that highlighted his features in such a different way than his normal smirk that Roman felt his throat go dry. Janus took the staff.

Then attempted to stand up.

“Whoa!” Roman yelled, instantly at his side, “What are you doing?!”

“Well,” Janus grunted as he used his staff as a crutch, “I can’t just keep lying in your bed. I’m ok now, where’s Patton?”

Roman blinked.

“Still in the common room,” Remus chirped. Janus nodded and headed towards the door.

“Hey!” Roman yelled, “ _Hey!_ ” he yelled again when he was ignored and put a hand on Janus, careful to make sure it was his uninjured shoulder, “Look, we might heal quickly, but you are in no position to be moving around right now!”

“Roman is right. Bed rest would be optimal for your current condition.”

“Thank you! Logan!” Roman yelled and turned back to Janus, “And are you sure you’re…up to seeing Patton right now?”

Roman shuddered. He had only seen part of what happened, but Patton’s glowing eyes wide and gleeful as he tore out Janus’s scales was a scene that was going to haunt his nightmares.

Janus waved Roman off.

“The concern is appreciated, Roman, but this issue should be squared away as soon as possible before it starts to affect Thomas.”

Roman turned red, “I’m not-! That! _Ugh_ ,” he groaned. Janus raised an eyebrow as he followed.

“You don’t have to come with me.”

Roman pouted, “I told Virgil I’d take care of you, so I’m coming with you.”

Janus stopped and stared. He looked like he was about to say something, but just shook his head and started forwards. He swayed a bit and Roman looped an arm around his waist to steady him. Janus looked up at him and Roman frowned. Janus’s human side looked incredibly red, was he running a fever? A result of his injuries? Roman put a hand on Janus’s forehead to check his temperature, it seemed normal but Janus’s complexion was only getting redder and-

Janus batted his arm away.

“I’m fine!” Janus squeaked, unwinding himself hastily, “And-uh, I can walk by myself now, thank you.”

“I could carry you,” Roman offered, “I already did once and you’re rather light.”

Janus sputtered, Roman wondered if his injuries were making it difficult for him to speak, but Janus just turned around and marched forwards.

Remus jogged in front of them. He poked at Janus’s shoulder and Janus winced.

“They grow back, right?” Remus asked and Janus nodded.

“Is that usually a painful process?” Logan asked from behind them. Janus shook his head and Logan wrote something down in a little notebook he had been carrying.

The group walked down the hall together and Roman looked at Logan’s notebook.

“What’s that specs?”

Logan held his book up proudly, “Data collection,” he said, “I got a lot of information from the carnivorous plants that live in Remus’s side of the imagination.”

“Oh yes,” Janus said, “How was your date?”

Remus stopped and Roman’s nose smacked into his back. Roman rubbed his face and looked at his brother who was suddenly glowing red.

“It wasn’t a date!” he squeaked.

“It was quite nice,” Logan said at the same time.

The two of them looked at each other.

“You thought it was a date?” Remus asked and Logan frowned.

“Yes? We both agreed to go to a set location together for a day. Is that not a date?”

Remus sputtered, “Ok, yes, but a date is like. I don’t know. Supposed to be romantic?”

“Is looking at flowers not romantic?”

“Not usually when they can eat you!”

Logan shuffled, “I thought it was. I’m sorry if I misinterpreted.”

“No!” Remus yelled and Logan cocked his head at him, “I mean, yes, that wasn’t what I thought, but it’s not like I don’t want, I-” Remus groaned and Roman held back a laugh. It was rare to see his brother at a loss for words.

“So you didn’t think it was a date?” Logan asked and Remus shook his head, burying it in his hands.

“But you wanted it to be?” Logan asked, almost hopeful, and Remus nodded his head. Logan smiled.

“Then it seems as if we are in agreement.”

“Wait, so are we dating now?”

“OH MY GOD,” Janus groaned, “I regret asking. I fully regret asking, could you two be gay somewhere else?”

Remus ignored him and joined Logan at the back of the group, the two of them now holding hands.

Finally, they reached the common room. Both Virgil and Patton were sitting on the couch and Patton looked up at the sound of the group entering the room. When Janus and Patton locked eyes, Roman could just make out how the tension built in Janus’s shoulders. It didn’t show on his face though. He simply held up a hand by way of greeting.

“Hello Patton.”

Patton stood up, his face slack. He took in the bandages wrapped around Janus and walked closer. Roman’s eyes narrowed at how Janus flinched slightly with each step.

“Janus, I,” Patton started and swallowed thickly, “I am _so_ sorry. I- I don’t know, I, one minute I was in full control and the next it was like something possessed me and I don’t expect you to forgive me but I just, I,”

Janus held up a hand.

“I know, Patton. It wasn’t you.”

Patton gasped.

“But I-”

“No buts, Patton. All is forgiven.”

Patton let out a sob and rushed towards Janus, enveloping him in a hug. Patton was careful not to touch his injuries, but Roman could see how Janus stiffened, how his breathing got a little quicker, and how he practically had to force himself to hug back.

When Patton was done hugging, Janus turned to the room.

“Well. I think that is enough drama for one day, but if it’s all the same I’m going to retire early,” Janus said.

“Wait,” Virgil said, getting up from his spot, “Are you uh, sure you’re ok?”

“Oh Virgil,” Janus said with a twirl, “concerned for little old me? Worry not, I’m fine,” he said with a wink and sank down.

Roman caught his brother’s eye and he knew that they were thinking the same thing.

Janus was a terrible liar.


	6. Scaling the Mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus is fine. Seriously. He's all good fam~  
> Notes: descriptions of injury, nightmares, swearing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😰<\-- the readers when they realize the pun titles are only going to get worse 
> 
> Hello all you wonderful readers!! This quarantine isolation has really been kicking my butt so thanks for all your comments and kudos, they make me really happy (and convince me that this life is not, in fact, a simulation) :') Hope you enjoy the chapter!

Janus was a fantastic liar if he did say so himself.

It had been a few days since ‘the incident’ as he dubbed it. His scales were growing back, but not in the normal way. Randomly, one will simply decide to appear and if Janus thought he knew pain before it was _nothing_ compared to the agony of a piece of hardened keratin ripping away at raw, burned flesh as it pushed away scar tissue to secure a place on his skin.

Mercifully, the scales seemed to either grow in one at a time so that Janus could smile through the pain if he were with the others or they would grow back while he was in his own room so he could stuff his face into his pillow until the scale slotted back into place. The scale on his face was back and the cut healed so Thomas didn’t notice that anything had happened.

Sometimes though, the scales would grow back while he was sleeping. He’d be dreaming of some faraway fantasy when the dream would shift and suddenly, he was under a microscope, his wrists clamped down by the stage clips, unable to move and terrified as someone peeled off his skin with a tweezer.

Those days, Janus would wake up screaming and writhing in his bed.

He knew that Remus suspected something was up. He was damned perceptive and would pop into his room from time to time, but thankfully his new relationship was keeping him a bit distracted.

The other thorn in his side, surprisingly, was Roman.

“Roman, for the last time, I can get my own mug,” Janus groaned. He had woken up that morning, suspicious about the lack of pain, but not deigning to question it. When he went down for coffee, the creative side was already in the kitchen. Upon seeing Janus, he put on a kettle for coffee (despite already having a mug himself), grabbed the coffee-mix, and took out the sugar all before Janus could even say ‘good morning’.

“I’m getting my own mug and yours just happens to be next to it,” Roman said, trying to brush off Janus’s protests.

“You already have your mug out!”

Roman looked back towards the table where his coffee mug stood, untouched.

“Well!” he spluttered, face turning a bit red, “Ok! So I’m getting your mug! So what?”

Janus groaned and tried to shove Roman out of the way (stupid, muscle bound prince didn’t budge), “Roman I’m _fine_ , I’m almost completely healed!”

“Aha! So you admit you’re not completely healed!”

Janus rolled his eyes, “Why are you being so stubborn?”

Roman scoffed, “Me? What about you?! Just let me help!”

“I don’t need help!”

“You’re short anyways! I can reach the cabinet easily!”

“I’m not short!” Janus screeched and Roman triumphantly grabbed the coffee mug and held it above him.

“Yes, you are. Tiny. Teeny tiny. Teeny tiny snake.”

“Roman!” Janus shrieked, reaching up for his mug while Roman laughed, loud and cheerful and why were Janus’s cheeks getting so warm?

“I thought you said you didn’t need my help?” Roman asked, smile widening. 

“You’re the one keeping the mug away from me! Give it you-you,” Janus jumped, but Roman barely had to move to keep his mug away from him, “stupidly tall _ass_.”

“Ask nicely,” Roman sang. Janus huffed and marched over to the table. He grabbed Roman’s cup of coffee and flipped him the bird. Roman pouted and poured the coffee into Janus’s mug.

“Cheater,” he said, sustaining his pout.

“It’s who I am,” Janus replied slyly then grimaced, “Exactly how much sugar did you put in this?”

Roman swirled Janus’s mug, “How much do you usually put in yours?”

Janus held up two fingers and Roman nearly gagged.

“Just _two_?” he stuck out his tongue, but stirred two spoons of sugar into the coffee, “gross, I need at least six and, like, half a cup of milk.”

“That is so unbelievably extra, but I am not surprised.”

Roman stuck his tongue out at him and held out the mug, “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Here, we’ll both be happier if we switch.”

Janus eyed the mug.

Did…did Roman trick him into letting him prepare his coffee? He really was smarter than Janus gave him credit for. They switched mugs and Janus sipped his coffee.

“Thank you,” he mumbled. Roman hummed and they sat in a comfortable silence before Janus took a deep breath in.

“And uh, not just for the coffee. It takes a big person to rescue their enemy so…” Janus trailed off, not really sure why his heart tugged as he spoke. Roman frowned.

“I wouldn’t say ene-”

They both jumped at a sudden tug and they looked at each other. Janus chugged the rest of his coffee and the two of them appeared in the living room (well, Janus appeared. Roman rose into it).

Patton and Logan were already there and talking to Thomas who had his head in his hands.

“Thomas?” Roman called. Thomas didn’t bother looking up. He just held out his phone where there was a single text from the friend they had discussed a few days before.

 **You crossed a line** the text read.

“I think I waited too long to reply and now she’s mad,” Thomas said and rubbed his eyes, “Should I apologize for something I don’t remember doing?”

“Well,” Logan said, jumping right into the issue, “Ethicists Spinoza and John Locke both posit that our identity is made up of our memory, so they may answer ‘no’ as the person who committed the wrongdoing is not the same person as you are right now.”

Patton shifted uncomfortably and Logan continued.

“In fact, in 2017 Rachel Aviv published an article in the New Yorker called ‘Remembering the Murder you Didn’t Commit’. In it, DNA evidence exonerated people who had been convicted of murder, yet some of these people claimed to be guilty years later, despite their proven innocence. Their memories perhaps changed after being convicted as guilty.”

“So if Thomas apologizes, he may feel guilty for something he never did?” Janus asked.

“And even retain memories of that event, despite no memories being present.”

“But if he _did_ do it, he should apologize despite not remembering,” Patton said. Logan frowned.

“Ehh, well, that issue isn’t entirely black and whi-”

“ _No_ ,” Patton said firmly, catching the attention of everyone else, “No. Even if you don’t remember doing something,” his eyes flicked to Janus, “Even if you feel like you couldn’t control the person you were. It’s still _you_. You still did those things, I still-” his voice caught and he swallowed.

Patton looked away from him and Janus tried to keep himself from sagging with relief. He knew it was Patton. The normal Patton. But when he looked at him, it was like Janus could see his eyes glowing again: blue and distant and cruel.

“Patton?” Thomas asked and Patton shook his head.

“I think you should apologize, Thomas.”

“But,” Roman said softly, “the thing is Thomas may _not_ have done it.”

“But is my friendship really worth something as intangible as my pride?” Thomas asked, standing up now and, whether it was consciously or not, he sent a pointed look at Roman. Roman shifted and looked down. Janus sighed.

“Having pride and being prideful are two different things, Thomas,” Janus said and Roman looked at him, eyes round, “Why should you claim the guilt for something you may not have done, just to appease someone else? It’s not fair to you.”

“Either way, you should reply soon. Not talking to her may give her the impression that you don’t care. Maybe you could explain that you truly don’t remember what happened?” Logan asked and Janus nodded.

“Perhaps. And-”

Janus stopped, his words died in his throat.

“Janus?” Roman asked. Janus opened his mouth, but no words came out. He squeezed his eyes shut.

Janus felt a cluster of scales on his shoulder and back begin to grow back. At least 5 of them all at once. Janus gritted his teeth.

_Really? Right now?_

Someone was calling his name again, but Janus couldn’t really make it out. He needed to leave. _Now._ Before the pain got unbearable.

“I-um,” Janus choked out, “I have to go.”


	7. Grayscale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seriously he's f i n e
> 
> Notes: descriptions of pain/ injury, throwing up, blood mentioned, swearing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello!!  
> oh ❤❤❤  
> oh shoot ❤❤💖❤💖💖💖  
> I seem to have dropped my 💖❤💖💖❤❤💖  
> love and appreciation for all of you ❤💖💖❤💖💖💘💘  
> Thanks so much for reading! Hope you enjoy the chapter ;)

Janus barely made it to his bathroom before emptying his stomach contents into the toilet.

The pain was awful, it was everywhere, demanding his attention at every moment. It wasn’t numbing or dull, it was bright and angry and Janus felt himself retch into the toilet again.

The scales were moving in tandem, raking over his slowly-healing skin and ripping apart the scabs that had formed. Janus tried to claw at his back, add a little pressure to have some semblance of relief, but he couldn’t reach. Janus tore off his cape and tried again, this time only serving to set himself off balance. Janus crashed hard into the tile floor, his hat skittered to the edge of the room.

“ _AGGHHH”_ he screamed, arching, desperately trying to reach his back. He rolled over and curled up against the wall.

It hurt it hurt it _fuck_ why did it hurt so much?

Janus tried to get up, but his arms shook heavily and he crashed back down. His ears were ringing, something high-pitched that made him go cross-eyed. He wanted to yell at the noise and tell it to shut up. There was another noise in the background, Janus had no idea what it was, but honestly he wanted it to shut up too.

Suddenly, Janus was hoisted upright. And that was not a great thing for his currently _pounding_ head. Janus swayed, pushed at something in front of him, and jolted forwards to throw up again into the toilet.

After saying goodbye to his breakfast, lunch, and dinner from maybe the past three days, Janus was left breathing heavily, his knuckles white as he gripped the edge of the toilet seat. He closed the lid and set his head against the rim as the last of the scales slotted into place.

Something cool was on his forehead now and dammit that felt so good. Janus leaned into the sensation as it wiped over his mouth, his neck, and the corners of his eyes. His eyes fluttered open.

“Roman?” he croaked out. Roman shushed him and handed him a cup of water. Janus chugged it gratefully then tossed the cup on the ground.

“You don’t have to talk, do you think you can walk, though? Let’s get you out of the bathroom.”

Janus blinked and looked around him. If he were in his right mind, he’d have been aghast. His normally immaculate bathroom was covered in blood and vomit. The sight almost made him retch again.

He let Roman help him up, then stood in place to make sure he wouldn’t throw up again. Roman threw the towel in his hands on the ground and conjured another one in its place. Janus pawed for it. Roman laughed lightly and held it up to Janus’s forehead.

“Almost healed my ass,” Roman muttered.

“ ‘S a nice ass,” Janus slurred, frowning when the towel dropped from his head. He whined in protest and another one was held to his head. He didn’t even realize that they had moved until he felt his sheets under his hands. Janus laid down on his bed. He moved the towel away from his face and took in Roman’s expression. Eyebrows furrowed, a slight frown tugging at his lips, the tips of his ears a bit red for some reason.

“What happened?” Roman asked. Janus sighed, some of the haze cleared from his mind with the new position and he waved his hand in front of himself.

“Scales. Growing back,” he explained lamely. Roman had taken the towel from him and slowly guided his shirt off. The towel was on his back now, the stinging, burning sensation replaced with the cool water.

“I thought you said it doesn’t hurt,” Roman muttered and dropped both the bloody shirt and towel on the floor. He snapped and they both disappeared at the same time that a new shirt, black with the outline of a yellow and white pocket, appeared on Janus.

Janus grimaced, “Not usually. Even this was…worse than usual.”

Roman frowned at that, looking like he wanted to say something, but Janus interrupted him.

“Did anyone else-?” Janus started, unsure how to finish. Roman nodded slowly.

“Logan and Patton both followed me here, but uh,” Roman swallowed, “Patton, he-uh, he didn’t seem to take it so well so Logan took him back.”

“Wasn’t his fault,” Janus said and closed his eyes. Roman hummed.

“I guess he just feels guilty.”

He shouldn’t. Janus knew that. It wasn’t really Patton who had done anything, it wasn’t so why was it that the mere thought of the Moral side made it difficult to swallow? Difficult to breathe?

“Perhaps,” Roman continued as Janus shook himself out of his thoughts, “Perhaps if you hadn’t been villainized in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened.”

Janus frowned, but didn’t open his eyes.

“Patton may not like lying, but he didn’t villainize me.”

A beat. Silence, uncomfortable unlike the one they had shared in the kitchen earlier. Then a sigh.

“No. But I did,” Roman said softly.

Janus opened his eyes and Roman looked away, eyes full of (and Janus could hardly believe this) guilt.

“Well,” Janus said, trying to relieve the tension in the room, “You did say that everyone loves the villain.”

Roman’s expression didn’t change and Janus cursed internally. Cursed these so called ‘light sides’ and their fondness for making things difficult for themselves. Cursed how Roman’s expression made Janus want to hide him away from anything that might upset him.

“Roman,” Janus called softly and attempted to get up, failed, and tried again. Roman helped him into a sitting position, “you know that what happened is, in absolutely no way, your fault. Right?”

Roman shifted, not saying anything but his expression answering for him anyways. Janus sighed.

“Remember what we told Thomas. Don’t take the blame for something you shouldn’t. Besides, if it weren’t for you, I-” Janus stopped and shivered.

If it weren’t for Roman, what?

What would have happened? Would Patton have picked his skin clean? Would he have tried to get rid of his other snake-like characteristics? Gouge out his eye? Pluck out his tongue? Janus squeezed his eyes shut, his breathing uneven as the vision of Patton’s manic grin filled his vision.

Something nudged his shoulder and Janus opened his eyes again. Roman was still giving him that look: big, round, brown eyes with flecks of gold and red. A safe red. Before he even knew what he was doing, Janus reached forwards and let himself lean into Roman’s sash. Roman’s breath caught.

“Janus?” he asked. Janus closed his eyes and pulled himself away.

“Sorry. Sorry, it’s nothing,” Janus said, grimacing a bit at how the lie came out, “I’m just tired, I think I’m going to try and sleep.”

“Oh,” Roman said and straightened, “Do-uh. Do you want me to stay?”

_Yes._

“No, that’s alright. You’ve already done more than enough.”

Roman shifted and stood up, his eyes still wide. Janus had always thought that Roman’s animal counterpart would be a horse, but looking at him now it was probably more like a puppy. A stubborn, infuriating, ~~adorable~~ puppy. Roman headed towards the exit of the room and flicked off the lights. When they shut off, he closed his eyes and realized just how _tired_ he was. He heard some footsteps, something feather light touched his forehead, and more footsteps. Roman said something, but Janus barely heard it as he was pulled into the undertow of sleep.


	8. Scaling Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Janus figure some things out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a bit of a perspective switch (from Roman's POV to Janus's POV) I figured they were too short to make into separate chapters. Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoy the chapter! ;)

**Roman's POV**

Roman lifted his face to draw in a breath before plunging it back into Virgil’s pillow and groaning.

“If you were going to suffocate yourself, could you maybe do it somewhere that isn’t my room?” Virgil asked. Roman paused, sat up, brought the pillow with him, and stuffed his face in it again.

It had been a day since Janus had practically collapsed in his bathroom and then into Roman. They were talking and confessing things and then Janus leaned into Roman and Roman had _no_ idea why his heart beat so hard when he thought about that.

And then-it happened. Before he left Janus’s room, like a man possessed, Roman walked back over to him and kissed him on the forehead.

Kissed him!

On the forehead!

What had he been thinking?!

“I’m no Prince Charming, I’m a Prince Fernidanddd,” Roman moaned into the pillow. Virgil snatched it away. He patted it and set it aside.

“And who, exactly, is your Snow White?” Virgil asked.

Roman turned red and hid his face before telling Virgil what happened, but left out how he had quietly whispered “sweet dreams, love” because even thinking about that left Roman in a blushing panic. He definitely expected Virgil to yell at him. Virgil had a history with Janus that he hadn’t even told Roman about, so surely he was bound to have some issues with Roman’s…actions.

When Virgil didn’t say anything for a full minute, Roman looked up. Virgil was biting and picking at his lip with the intense focus of an Olympic athlete.

“Virge?”

“You…do you like Janus?” Virgil asked carefully. Roman’s face lit up in a blush.

“What? No!”

He turned away.

“Well…maybe?”

Virgil sighed and sat on his bed so that the two of them were sitting side by side. He turned to Roman.

“Why?”

Roman titled his head, unsure of what to make of Virgil’s expression.

In truth, Roman had always held an admiration for the deceitful side, both for his charm and as a fellow performer. Recent events had twisted that admiration. Janus’s eloquence became over-ripe, his words dripping so sweet that it made one’s mouth pucker like it had been sour.

But seeing him so…unguarded, seeing him blindly put his trust in Roman, it had changed something.

“I’m not sure,” Roman replied after a moment of thinking and got up, “I mean, he’s stubborn as hell. Not to mention coy and sarcastic and,” Roman had started pacing, “did I mention stubborn? I practically had to fight him just to make him coffee! But then he says all these nice things and sure, he’s sarcastic a lot but sometimes he’s not? And he likes theatre and drama, but he’s also so infuriating! He refuses to admit that he needs help because,” Roman paused and shuddered.

“You didn’t see him Virge,” Roman said quietly, sitting back down, “Yesterday. He started saying something about Patton and he just…froze. He looked so damn scared and I don’t know” Roman rubbed the back of his neck, “I don’t like it when he’s scared.”

Virgil tapped his chin. “So basically, he’s a stubborn dumbass.”

Roman groaned, but nodded anyways. Virgil smirked.

“And they say _opposites_ are supposed to attract.”

Roman was still nodding, when Virgil’s comment registered. He shot up.

“Hey!” he protested, but Virgil was laughing already. Roman sat back down.

“So…you’re not mad?” Roman asked tentatively. Virgil shook his head.

“Janus and I have…a history. But you shouldn’t let that stop you from liking who you want to like. He’s not a totally bad guy,” Virgil conceded and even though he cringed a little as he said it, Roman appreciated it.

“Well,” Roman said and stretched, “All this talk has made me hungry. What’s say we go down and get something to eat?”

Virgil groaned, “I _wish_ ,” he said, “Unfortunately, today is my half-birthday.”

Roman blinked, “Oh? Uh. Happy half-birthday? But, what does that have to do with-” Virgil stopped Roman by holding up his hand.

“Patton has been planning a surprise cake for the past few days. If I go into the kitchen now, I’ll ruin the surprise.”

Roman blinked again, uncomprehending, “But-but you already know about it?”

Virgil nodded, “But he doesn’t know that I know. I heard him whispering something about ‘half birthdays’ under his breath and the next day, a bunch of eggs and butter ended up in the fridge. It wasn’t hard to put together.”

Roman sighed and laid back on Virgil’s bed.

“Then I suppose, we wait.”

-

**Janus's POV**

Janus nodded in satisfaction at the pool in front of him.

He was with Remus and Logan, in Remus’s side of the imagination. Logan had his arms wrapped around Remus and his face buried in his back.

“That’s perfect, Remus,” Janus said and Remus grinned, adding more piranhas to the pool.

“Thanks!” Remus said, adding some eels for good measure, “But you haven’t told me why you’re requesting this, uh,”

“Pool of deadly fish fauna,” Logan finished, lifting his face up for a moment and Remus nodded.

“Ah,” Janus said and inspected his nails, “it’s so I can throw myself into it.”

“WHAT?” Remus yelled and snapped, the three of them suddenly out of the Imagination and in Remus’s room. Logan stumbled back at the sudden change, but Remus caught him and they both sat on the bed. Logan leaned his head on Remus’s shoulder.

“Certainly didn’t take you for the touchy type, Logan,” Janus said, unfazed by Remus expression.

Logan shrugged, “Physical contact with someone else can encourage oxytocin release which decreases both cortisol and blood pressure.”

“He calls it ‘recharging’! Isn’t that cu-wait, no, we’re not,” Remus groaned and rubbed his face, “we’re not getting off topic. Why do you want to throw yourself into a pool of piranhas?”

Janus groaned and flopped onto Remus’s futon. He pulled his caplet up to hide his face, then recounted the events that had happened a day ago.

“Your scale regrowth is hurting you?” Logan asked and Janus waved him off.

“They’ve all grown back now, so please focus on the larger issue at hand,” Janus said, “I can’t believe I let Roman undress me!”

“It was just your shirt,” Remus said.

“I said he had a nice ass!” Janus wailed.

“I mean. He does,” Logan said and Remus pouted. Logan bumped his shoulder, “Yours is nicer, though.”

Remus gaped at that and turned bright red before burying his face in his hands. Janus quirked an eyebrow at Logan who shrugged.

“What? It’s cute when he blushes.”

“Logaaannnn,” Remus whined and Janus rolled his eyes and leaned back into the futon.

“Could you two be, like, 10% less gross for just a few minutes?” he muttered. Logan blew some hair out of his face and looked at Janus.

“Despite the concerns to your health, what you described sounds like an optimal courtship encounter,” Logan said and squinted, “unless you aren’t interested in that. I have since learned that I am not the best at identifying situations like that.”

It took a moment for Janus to understand what Logan meant, but when he did, his face looked like what Logan liked to call a ‘Solanum lycopersicum’.

“Oh gross,” Remus said, seemingly over his blush, “do you have a thing for my brother?”

“WHAT?!” Janus screeched and pulled his hat down.

Did he have a crush on Roman? No! Preposterous! How could he like that bumbling, muscle-headed, surprisingly smart, reliable, kind-agh!

“That’s ridiculous,” Janus squeaked. Both Logan and Remus gave him an incredulous look and Janus threw his hands up.

“It is!” he protested, “It- I- stop looking at me like that!”

“Your rouge complexion is contradicting what you say. How odd,” Logan said with a frown.

“That’s Logan speak for ‘bullshit’,” Remus said with a grin and Janus threw a pillow at him.

“I don’t have to take this! I’m going back to my room,” Janus said, pouting. Logan put a hand up.

Janus stopped.

“What?” he asked, a little petulantly. Logan coughed and rubbed the back of his head.

“Ah. Um, actually, Patton was wondering whether we could gather in the common room soon. He’s planning a surprise for Virgil’s half-birthday.”

Janus winced, “Oh. Is he now?”

Logan nodded, “I, uh, I’m sure he’d understand if you don’t want to come, though, Janus.”

Janus shook his head. In truth, he _had_ been subtly trying to avoid Patton. He couldn’t help it. He knew Patton wouldn’t hurt him normally, he _knew_ the poor guy was practically drowning in guilt if their conversation with Thomas revealed anything, but-

But he still couldn’t help but feel uneasy. Patton thought lying was wrong. While it wasn’t his only function, it was a large part of who Janus was and if Patton thought that was wrong, who’s to say that he wouldn’t go all glowy eyed again over it?

“Janus?” Remus called, pulling Janus out of his thoughts. Janus shook his head again. He could have tried to go on, subtly avoiding Patton, but it wasn’t a sustainable plan. Besides, skipping a party was hardly subtle. Janus smiled tightly.

“Let’s go,” he said.


	9. Sca(rce)ly There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sides gather for a party-  
> Notes: panic attack, description of panic attacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, yesterday, posting a fluffy chapter: 😌  
> Everyone in the comments: *begins to predict doom and gloom*  
> Me: 😰
> 
> Won't say you're wrong though ;) Thanks so much for all your comments/ kudos and for reading! Hope you enjoy the chapter! :D

Janus looked around the common room. Black and purple balloons filled every corner and there was a banner that read: HAPPY HALF BIRTHDAY MY STRANGE DARK SON WHO ISN’T REALLY MY SON AND IS TOTALLY VALID AND SCARY WHEN HE WANTS TO BE!

The letters at the end of the banner were jammed so that the exclamation point and the word ‘Be’ all looked like one strange squiggle.

“You guys made it!” Patton cheered. He jumped up and hugged Logan who hugged him back. Patton bustled about before disappearing into the kitchen and bringing out a large cake with black icing and purple sprinkles.

“Ok, so Virgil has _no_ idea this is happening, so when he gets here we have to be real quiet. He doesn’t like surprises too much, so we won’t shout. But we’ll just let him realize what’s happening on his own!”

Janus nodded along to more of Patton’s ramblings, trying to control his heart rate. He was starting to get really annoyed with himself. This was _Patton_. Sweet, kind, considerate Patton. The first of the ‘light sides’ to give him a chance. Someone who would do all this for a half birthday.

Janus took a deep breath in.

“The place looks great, Patton. Virgil’s sure to love it,” he said sincerely. Patton jumped up with a squeak.

“You think so?” he said, excited. His face close (too close) to Janus’s. Janus held himself from stepping backwards.

“Yes, the dour lighting, the mute color scheme? It’s all right up his alley. You must have held yourself back a lot.”

Patton nodded seriously, “I was tempted to throw in a few pinks and yellows, but I don’t think he would have liked that.”

Janus felt himself relax a bit. He laughed lightly, “I take it that was a difficult decision?”

Patton nodded again, “Incredibly.”

They both stared at each other for a bit before chuckling.

“Well, I for one enjoy yellow.”

Patton beamed, “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind for your party!” Patton said with a wink and Janus groaned.

“Oh no, please that’s really-!”

Janus stopped.

Patton had put a hand over his mouth and a finger to his lips.

“Shhh, I think he’s coming!” Patton said excitedly.

Janus’s eyes widened. He couldn’t say anything, his mouth was covered. Patton was close again, too close, his eyes flickering with the lights of the room, maybe with something else? Maybe Janus should say something, why couldn’t he say something? Janus tried to draw in some air, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe, _why couldn’t he breathe?_

Janus clutched at his chest and at the carpet under him (when had he sat down?). He had to get away (get away from what?). Someone was calling his name, but he couldn’t listen to it. He had to get away (get away from whom?). He had to, he had to-

“Janus, breathe!”

Ah yes. Breathe. That was important, he should do that. How did he do that again? He couldn’t really concentrate because his heart was beating too fast, it felt like his blood vessels were a high-speed freeway. Surely it wasn’t supposed to beat that fast. Surely it wasn’t supposed to _hurt_.

Something shifted under him. Janus felt himself sink into something unrealistically soft.

_Safe._

The word flashed quickly in his mind, but Janus latched onto it. His breaths were getting stuck in his chest, and he tried to force them out. There was a voice.

“-reathe, good. Good, can you open your eyes?” asked the voice, steady and strong and

_Safe._

Janus opened his eyes, catching on a brilliant, satin red.

_Safe._

“Awesome, you’re doing great. Just breathe with me, ok? In for four-”

Janus followed the voice. The person had grabbed Janus’s hand and was tracing a small square in it, in time to the breathing. Janus focused on the sensation, let it ground him, and when breathing no longer became an unfathomably monumental task, Janus looked up. Roman was still tracing the shape into his hand, but Janus wasn’t scared anymore because Roman was here and Roman was _safe._

Roman’s eyes flicked up and he caught Janus’s gaze. He smiled.

“Hey,” he said, “do you think you can talk?”

Janus blinked and nodded. Roman ran him through another calming exercise then, one that included naming a bunch of colors around his room and then what he could see, hear, smell, touch, and taste. When they were done, Janus shook his head gratefully.

“I think I’m ok, now, Roman,” Janus said, “But, uh. What…happened?”

Roman grimaced and stood from where he was kneeling by the bedside. He sat next to Janus.

“You had a panic attack,” Roman said. Janus closed his eyes. He knew that’s what had happened, but for some reason it hadn’t registered. He leaned his head back and dug the heels of his hands into his face.

“Right,” Janus said, his voice blank at first, “Right. Of course, of,” his voice cracked against his will, “Dammit, of course that’s what happened just,” he groaned, he really did not want to cry in front of Roman. Again.

“I’m a fucking mess,” Janus said, swallowing harshly, “Pathetic, whiny, over-dramatic, just-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Roman interrupted, lifting Janus’s head, “That’s- you are not any of those things.”

Janus rolled his eyes, the tears burnt at the edges of them, “I just ruined Virgil’s surprise party, for what?”

Just because Patton’s actions reminded him a little of what happened? Just because he couldn’t forget one stupid thing?

“Well, first, Virgil already knew about the party and second, you shouldn’t feel guilty or stupid or anything you just said for panicking.”

Janus snatched his face away and buried it in his knees.

“How did you know what to do?” he asked, voice muffled. Roman paused, then bumped his shoulder.

“Virgil’s my best friend. I’ve coached him through a few stuff. He’s coached me,”

“You?” Janus asked, lifting his head, eyes wide. Roman nodded.

“Things can get overwhelming sometimes. It’s not pathetic or over-dramatic to react to that. And I understand if you don’t want to talk about it now. But if you ever do, I…I’d gladly listen.”

Janus sniffed. He wanted to tell Roman to stop being so nice because he was _definitely_ going to cry then. He didn’t want to cry. Yelling was easier than crying.

“Why are you being so nice?” Janus asked. He meant for it to come off as accusatory, but his genuine curiosity crept in.

“Because you need it,” Roman said simply, so straight-forwardly that it infuriated Janus.

“Why do you even care?” he asked his voice gaining volume.

“Why shouldn’t I?” Roman asked, tilting his head at Janus’s sudden change in mood. Somehow, that frustrated Janus even more.

“I manipulated you! You said I corrupted Thomas! You should hate me, you,” Janus’s voice was shaking and there went his resolve not to cry, “Do you hate me?”

“No!” Roman yelled. Again, so sure. So simple.

“Why not?!” Janus yelled back, aware that he sounded childish, but not caring, “I called you evil!”

“And I did the same to you!” Roman yelled back, “And I made fun of your name! But despite all of that, despite that you,” Roman turned away, when he turned back Janus was surprised to see his eyes shining, “Despite all of that…you still called out to me. Whether it was because I was the only person available to or what, I don’t know. But in your moment of need you called _me_. Why?”

He looked at Janus, a desperation that Janus couldn’t understand was swimming in his eyes.

Why had he called Roman? In all honesty, he could have called Virgil. If he had concentrated, he may have even been able to reach Remus. At first, Janus thought it was because Roman was the only available option, but somehow he knew it was more than that. The real answer was much simpler.

“Because I knew you’d save me,” Janus said.

Roman drew in a harsh breath.

“How?” he asked, voice small.

“I just did,” Janus said, not really sure why Roman was asking such a simple question, “I needed help. Who better to call than Thomas’s hero?”

Roman’s shoulders were shaking now and Janus frowned. Did he say something wrong?

“You’re not lying,” Roman said. It wasn’t a question, but Janus shook his head anyways. Janus wasn’t sure what his face looked like, but it must have been confused because Roman laughed and looked away.

“It’s just,” Roman started, “It feels like it’s been a while, since someone has needed me.”

Janus’s face just screwed into a more confused expression.

“Wha-Roman, of course we need you. Thomas needs you to do his job, to enjoy life. The other sides need you to put their plans into action. _I_ need you to,” Janus stopped, his face turning red, but Roman was latching onto his every word and he couldn’t stop there.

“I need you,” he repeated, “You’re safe and secure and kind in a way that will never cease to baffle me.”

Roman’s face was flushed and he hid his face in his hands.

“Ugh,” he said, tears flowing freely now, “you can’t just say things like that.”

“Why not?” Janus said, eyebrow slightly quirked and Roman looked up.

“Because it makes me want to kiss you.”

Janus blinked, mind completely blank for a second before his smirk was back, full force, so large that it probably was more of a smile.

“Well in _that_ case,” Janus started, “I don’t just _need_ you, Roman. I want you. Your stupid, witty nicknames and your pushy kindness and your bravery and your-mmph!”

Roman cut Janus off, and for once Janus didn’t mind being interrupted. He kissed him back, hard, desperately, and when they pulled apart, neither mentioned the tears in the other’s eyes. Janus leaned in again, one hand on Roman’s chest and one supporting himself, and this time this kiss was sweet, less needy, but just as passionate. Janus felt himself lean against the headboard. Roman put his hands on Janus’s waist and moved his body from the side of the bed to on top of it. The bed shifted slightly under them and-

_BANG!_

Janus pulled away from Roman, eyes wide.

“What was-?”

“ _PATTON, GET OUT OF THERE!”_

Roman shot up at the sound. It was Virgil, his tempest tongue in full effect. Roman looked at Janus for a moment before Janus nodded, stood up, and the two of them ran out.


	10. Soul for S(c)ale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton reaches a tipping point-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get it? tipping? Like-like the title??  
> *rushes away from the crowds boos*
> 
> This and the next chapter were actually together, but it got super long so I had to split it up 😬 Thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoy the chapter!! :D

“ _PATTON, PLEASE,”_ Virgil screamed.

Janus stared, bewildered, at the scene in front of him. Logan had Remus’s Morningstar in his hands and Remus was holding him back. Virgil’s makeup was dripping down his face as he screamed and banged on the door to his room.

“Virgil!” Roman yelled and grabbed the other side, “Virgil, Virgil please calm down. What happened, can you tell me what happened?”  
  


Virgil didn’t seem to register Roman for a minute, he looked back and simply collapsed into him, sobbing. He was loathe to admit it, but the sight scared Janus. Virgil certainly had his bad days, but he rarely broke down like this. And almost never in front of others.

“I’m breaking down the door,” Logan said, his voice monotone, but his hands shaking. Remus pulled him back.

“No, he has to come out himself! And,” he glanced at Logan, “I know this is like, a super bad time, but you’re hot when you’re holding a weapon.”

“Remus,” Janus said.

“I know, I know, bad time,” Remus said, then turned, “Janus! Wha- you’re back! Are you feeling ok?”

“I’m fine,” Janus said, waving, “What-what is going on?”

Remus managed to coax the weapon out of Logan’s hands and turned to Roman and Janus. Roman was petting Virgil’s head, trying to get him to calm down.

“Well,” Remus started, “I’m not sure what really happened. One moment, I see Virgil and Roman coming down the stairs, the next you were on the ground and screaming. Roman tried to talk to you, but eventually he took you to his room.”

Janus nodded as Remus continued. Apparently, after they had left, Patton realized what had happened. That closing Janus’s mouth had, effectively, triggered a panic attack. Horrified, Patton had stood up, sunk out, and locked himself in Virgil’s room.

“He’s _punishing_ himself,” Virgil said, voice not dual-toned anymore but barely above a whisper, “I can feel it. He’s using my room to,” Virgil stopped, looking a bit green. Roman encouraged him to sit down.

“And why can’t we break down the door?” Roman asked.

“Excellent question, Roman,” Logan waved his hands and summoned a pair of extrema sticks, “let’s do that.”

Everyone paused at that. Usually it took a lot of concentration for the sides, outside the creativitwins, to conjure something. Logan looked at them.

“What? I have an appreciation for martial arts.”

“We are _definitely_ talking about that later,” Remus muttered. He looked back at Roman, “We can’t break down the door because if Patton himself doesn’t let us in, it may cause Virgil’s room to, eh,”

“Make it worse,” Virgil said, looking less green but still pale, “When you guys came into my room that one time, the door wasn’t locked. When you visit me, I can control it from the inside so it doesn’t affect you too badly. But,” he rubbed his face, “Patton knows that, he needs to get out right now or-or,”

Roman rubbed Virgil’s back and Virgil stood up, “I don’t know,” Virgil finished, “I don’t know what will happen but it won’t be good that’s for sure.”

“We’ve been trying to get him out, but,” Logan grimaced.

“He thinks he deserves to be in there,” Remus finished with a wince. Remus banged on the door.

“C’mon pops! I’m sorry about what I said before, just come out!”

“NO!” screamed a voice from inside the room. It took a few minutes for Janus to realize it was Patton, “LEAVE ME ALONE, I DESERVE THIS.”

“ _PATTON,”_ Virgil yelled, nearly hysteric again, but Janus put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head.

“Patton,” Janus said, his voice calm and steady, “if you think you deserve punishment, I’d like a part to play. How else am I supposed to get my revenge, after all?” he asked. Virgil’s eyes widened and he tackled Janus to the ground.

“ _WHAT THE HELL-”_ he started, but Roman plucked him off easily and helped Janus up.

There was a rumbling from inside the room and the door opened slowly, black smoke billowed out of it. Virgil shook out of Roman’s grasp, launched himself inside, and got flung backwards. Roman caught him before he crashed onto the floor.

“Only Janus,” Patton said from inside.

Janus took a deep breath and started towards the door, but something held him back. He turned around.

“You don’t have to do this,” Roman said, gripping his wrist, but Janus shook his head.

“Yes. I do,” he smiled, “don’t worry. I’ll get him back. Just,” Janus squirmed, his face heating a little, “Could I, uh, borrow your sash?”

Roman seemed a little confused at the request, but untied his sash and handed it to Janus. Janus took it and placed his hat on Roman’s head.

“For safe keeping,” he explained with a wink, thankful that he could sound braver than he felt. Janus turned and, against his screaming instincts, he walked into the dark room.


	11. Upscale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus enters the room-   
> Notes: implied hair pulling, mental self-harm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Warning for sappy end notes in this chapter-  
> Hello there wonderful reader! Thank you so much for reading!! Hope you enjoy the chapter ;)  
> *This chapter was inspired by an episode of Teen Titans (the old one), bonus points if you know which episode lmaooo*

For a moment, the dark smoke filled Janus’s vision. Eddies of obsidian blanketed everything in front of him. Janus squinted and tried to keep it out of his eyes. Janus felt his heart beat rapidly, the normal spike from entering Virgil’s room, and he clutched the sash, reminding himself that he was _safe_. Nothing Virgil’s room conjured was _real_. It was all-

“ **A lie?** ” came a voice and Janus choked on a breath. He looked up.

In the middle of the room, Patton had sunken to his knees. Dark smoke billowed around him. Janus knew what it was: negative emotion, insecurities given form, a part of you but, in Virgil’s room, somehow separate. In front of Patton was a figure, Janus assumed it to be the source of the voices that had been plaguing Patton, again somehow separate from Patton himself because of the room’s effects. It sat cross-legged and floating. It was humanoid in shape, but completely made of the smoke. The only color it had was two glowing blue eyes.

Janus hugged the sash closer to him.

“You aren’t real,” Janus muttered and walked closer to Patton. The figure made a motion like it was raising an eyebrow, but floated out of the way. Janus knelt down and put a hand on Patton’s shoulder.

“C’mon, Patton. Let’s get out of here,” Janus said. Patton looked up.

He looked awful.

His eyes were bloodshot, the bags under them matched the color of the smoke. His scalp was dotted with red where he had scratched and pulled at it. He blinked at Janus through a curtain of hair and tears.

“Your revenge?” he choked out. The figure reappeared behind Janus.

“ **Yes, Deceit, where’s your revenge?”**

“Revenge-?” Janus closed his eyes for a moment, “Patton, I don’t want revenge. That was a lie, just come with me and let’s get out of here.”

“N **O** ,” yelled Patton and the smoke figure at the same time. Janus jumped back at the sound, eyes wide. The sash, where was the sash?

Janus eyed the ground next to Patton, he had dropped the sash in his shock. But-but it was ok. He was still safe. Janus tried to think of something grounding: the familiar taste of black coffee, how Roman stirred his drink twice before sipping, the slope of Roman’s shoulders, the faint smell of strawberries. The smoke figure couldn’t hurt him. He wasn’t real.

**“Oh I’m not real, am I?”**

“No,” Janus gritted out, “You’re not real, and I’m not afraid of you.” He walked back to Patton, but Patton pulled back. Janus groaned.

“Patton come _on_. You couldn’t control what happened. It wasn’t your fault.”

Patton shoved Janus back. “ _Yes_ it _was_ ,” he yelled, sinking back to the ground, “I hurt you! I let that disgusting, ugly part of me take over-,” Patton swallowed thickly, “I _saw_ you screaming, I _heard_ you and I couldn’t do anything. I’ve been _trying_ to pretend like everything’s normal, but it’s _not_ and I don’t deserve normal!”

 **“No,”** crooned the smoke, **“you don’t. You’re Morality and you did an evil, evil thing. You’re Thomas’s moral compass and you’re pointed south,”** it parroted. Janus winced.

“That’s not true,” Janus said, but Patton closed his eyes and turned away.

 **“Look, even Deceit is scared of you** ,” the smoke said. It disappeared from in front of Patton and reappeared behind Janus, its smoky hand trailed Janus’s shoulder. Janus’s breath hitched.

“I’m-I’m not scared.”

The smoke was too close, it laid a foggy hand around Janus’s mouth. There was a noise: sharp, high-pitched, animalistic. Was that him? His throat was raw. Had he screamed?

Patton looked up, eyes widening.

“You are scared.”

“I’m not!”

“Of me.”

“No, I,” Janus closed his eyes, trying not to focus on the hand that was trailing his shoulder, his cheek, where his scales had been gouged out and it burned and stung and-and-

“I’m not scared,” Janus insisted, voice tiny and unconvincing. The smoke laughed.

 **“Even a Dark side fears you,”** it said and floated around Patton, “ **What does that say about you?”**

“I’m not scared!” Janus yelled.

“You have every right to be!”

“I’m _NOT_ ,” Janus screamed, his voice pitched with hysteria. He walked towards Patton, disregarded the growing terror in his stomach, and put his hands on Patton's shoulders.

“I’m not, I’m not, I have no reason to be scared of you, Patton.”

Patton just stared at him, his eyes empty.

“Then why are you crying?”

What?  
Janus reached up. He hadn’t even noticed when he started crying. Why was he crying? Why was he shaking so goddamn hard? The smoke wasn’t even touching him anymore so why, why, _why_?

“I’m not, I’m not-”

Janus looked down, Roman’s red sash was piled at his feet. Janus took a deep breath as realization crept into his mind.

“I am scared,” Janus breathed, but he didn’t take his hands off of Patton, “I am scared, I-fuck I’m _terrified.”_

The smoke’s expression seemed to change. Was that a frown?

Patton’s shoulders were shaking, but no tears fell. It was like he wasn’t letting himself cry.

“But, not of you,” Janus said, turning around and pointing at the smoke, “I’m not scared of some hazy, intangible _voice_ that thinks it can control Patton because you are _not_ the only part of Patton. We all have our ugly sides and,” he chanced a glance at the side behind him whose eyes were wide, “And perhaps, because of Patton’s function as Morality, you hold more sway over him, but we are more than our worst parts.”

He smiled at Patton.

“And we _can_ overcome them.”

The smoke’s frown grew. It spun and placed itself in the exact position of the real Patton so that the two of them were overlapping. Its blue eyes burnt in place of Patton’s reddened ones.

“So who are you scared of?” Patton (the smoke? Patton? Janus couldn’t tell) asked.

“I,” Janus started, bent down to pick up Roman’s sash, and continued, “I’m scared of _you_ Patton,” the smoke was growing thicker around them, Janus could hardly see the room anymore, but he continued, “Of how much sway you hold over Thomas. Of how you may never fully accept me, despite your best efforts.”

Patton and the smoke were silent.

“You’ve agreed that self-preservation can be a good thing, but at every instance that I’ve proposed lying, you’ve been completely against it.”

 **“Lying is a sin** ,” said the smoke (or Patton? Or the smoke?).

Janus nodded, ignoring his thudding heart, “Sometimes. Sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes Thomas will need to lie to his family or his friends or himself not because it’s the right thing to do, but because it’s the right thing for _him_ to do.”

Patton blinked. The glowing eyes of the smoke disappeared so that Janus could just make out Patton’s real eyes underneath. Janus’s heartbeat relaxed an infinitesimal amount.

“Denying something until we’re in a better headspace to deal with it, white lies to friends to spare their feelings, are those bad things?”

The smoke condensed and floated around Patton with a sigh.

“No?” Patton asked, hesitant. Janus smiled.

“Lying to rescue a friend who locked themselves in a room with their worst, most negative thoughts, is that a bad thing?”

The smoke hesitated for a moment before falling like water around Patton. Some disappeared into the corners of Virgil’s room. Some stayed around Patton, curled up around his heart, anchored, but not overwhelming.

“No,” Patton said, firmly and looked up. His eyes were watery, “No,” he repeated softly, “of course not. I,” he rubbed his eyes, but let the tears fall out, “I’m sorry, kiddo.”

Janus rolled his eyes and started to wave off the apology, but Patton put a hand up.

“Not just for what happened, well,” he grimaced, “I am sorry about that. I don’t think that guilt will ever go away. Or if it should, but,” he looked back up, smiling a little at Janus’s protests, “when I said I’d accept you, I didn’t realize that I wasn’t accepting _all_ of you. And by invalidating the part, I invalidated the whole. I’m sorry.”

Janus blinked, caught off guard by the articulation.

“I…,” Janus started, “thank you.”

Patton nodded, sniffed, and started forwards, arms held out. He stopped in the middle though, and held back, a sheepish smile on his face.

“Sorry, force of habit.”

Janus shrugged it off, though was secretly relieved that Patton had decided not to follow through with the hug.

“What’s say we get out of here?” Janus asked, stretching out a hand as a gesture of good will. It wasn’t a hug, but it was a start, “I believe there’s someone else we need to talk to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO  
> This chapter was originally going to be really, REALLY dramatic. Lots of action, lots of yelling and screaming and wind and whatnot- but I kind of realized that it was more insidious/ realistic to make it a bit calmer. I didn't want to characterize Patton's negative emotions as a 'monster to be defeated' type because we all have them and they can't always be defeated, but they can certainly be mitigated by talking to our close friends/ family/ determined snek.
> 
> Remember you're more than your worst moments! Love you all <3


	12. Downscale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman's POV

“What if I put a hole in the wall?”

“Logan _no_ ,” Remus yelled and held Logan back, “but really, in any other situation I’d be _living_ for this side of you.”

Logan whined and Roman couldn’t help but agree. Janus had gone in and hadn’t been out for a while. The room had also turned strangely quiet. Virgil had gone from collapsed against the wall to pacing the floor.

“Virge, I know that look,” Roman said seriously, putting out a hand to stop Virgil from treading a hole in the floor, “what are you thinking?”

Virgil looked up at him, back at the door to his room, and sighed.

“He’s using my room to punish himself, Roman, so. I mean, by extent,” he gulped. Roman shook his head, needing to nip that particular idea in the bud.

“This _isn’t_ your fault, Patton chose to go in there.”

“But, but it’s all of my negative energy that-!”

Roman blinked, taking in the other side’s appearance. Is this what Janus had meant earlier about not taking the blame for the wrong thing? Roman repeated Janus’s advice to Virgil who sighed in response.

“I- you’re right. I just,” Virgil took a deep breath in, “I’m just worried.”

Roman nodded, “Me too-”

Suddenly, a scream ripped through the air. Not just any scream. _Janus’s_ scream. Before Roman even knew what was happening, there were several hands on his shoulders, forcing him back.

“Dammit, Roman, not you too!”

Roman looked down. When had he conjured his sword? Why were Remus and Virgil holding him-

Ah. Right. The scream.

 _Janus’s_ scream.

“Let me go Remus!” Roman yelled, “Let me go! Something happened!”

Remus pulled back and usually, he and Roman were pretty matched for strength (especially since he was holding onto Logan at the same time), but both he and Virgil tugged back hard and they fell onto a pile on the floor. They struggled for a bit, but Roman was the first to get up.

“He needs help!” he yelled when Virgil kept his grip on him.

“You _can’t_ go in unless you’re let in, remember?”

“Fuck that!” Logan yelled and charged forwards, only getting a few inches away before Remus grabbed hold of him again.

“Ok-ugh,” Remus said, dodging Logan’s struggling hands, “seriously, I’m a little in love with you right now but-gah,” another dodge, “and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’re not thinking logically!”

“My best friend is in there!” Logan yelled.

“My _boy_ friend is in there!” Roman yelled.

A pause in the air as everyone’s heads swiveled to Roman. Roman’s face went red.

“Well..ah, we haven’t had that talk yet, but-”

“Boyfriend!” Remus gagged.

“Boyfriend?!” Virgil gasped.

“Boyfriend?” came a small voice and a squeal from behind them. The four of them turned to the source of the sounds.

Janus and Patton were standing there, hand in hand with smudges of black make up tracing down their cheeks. Janus let go of Patton’s hand and then launched himself at Roman.

“ _Oof!”_ Roman said, but hugged Janus back just as tightly. He took Janus’s hat and put it back on his head, its rightful place, “So uh, I-I take it that’s a yes?”

Janus looked up, exasperation playing at amusement in his eyes, “No, Roman. Me tackling you with a hug is a sign of my obvious disinterest.”

Roman grinned widely and Janus’s flushed. He cleared his throat and straightened his caplet.

“Ahem. Well, anyways,” he started, explained what had happened, and then looked at all of them seriously, “we need to talk to Thomas. I believe,” he looked back at Patton and smiled, “I believe we have a solution for his predicament.”

Roman tilted his head, not really wanting to let go, but still following Janus to the real common room where Thomas was sitting. His feet were dangling off the side of the couch and he was looking blankly at the ceiling. Janus cleared his throat and Thomas jumped.

“Oh! Whoa, hey everyone,” Thomas said and went to turn off the TV which wasn’t on to begin with, “What’s-ah, what’s up? Whoa-” he took in their appearances. Roman wasn’t sure what they looked like, but it must have been disheveled because Thomas asked, “What happened to you guys?” he looked at Logan, “Why do you have a weapon?”

“Thomas, have you texted your friend?” Patton asked. Thomas blinked and stood up.

“Um. No, I-uh. I didn’t know what to say after her most recent text.”

Patton and Janus shared a look.

“You shouldn’t apologize, Thomas,” Patton said. Thomas looked like he just got whiplash.

“But before you said-!”

“I know,” Patton said, “And I’m sorry I keep ping-ponging with my decisions here kiddo, but-Janus was right. You don’t know if you did what she says you did and you shouldn’t apologize just based on her word.”

“Trust yourself,” Janus said. He nodded at Patton, “And tell her honestly. Tell her that you don’t remember what happened, but that you don’t think you would have done something like that.”

Logan hummed thoughtfully and waved his extrema sticks away, “If she accepts that, then that’s the end of it. If she can find someone to back up her claim, then you can apologize.”

“But,” Thomas said, “But what if she just decides to drop me over this? What if she can’t forgive me _unless_ I apologize?”

“Thomas, if she isn’t willing to talk through this issue with you, then she doesn’t place the same worth on this friendship as you do,” Virgil said.

Roman nodded, “And you’re worth more than one relationship.”

“Plus, then you can delete all your photos with her and save some storage space on your phone,” Remus sang and Thomas glared at him for a moment before sighing.

“I-ok. You guys are right, I’ll text her right now, but,” he gave them a strange look, “Why are you telling all of this to me now? Did something happen?”

“Just our typical Tuesday, Thomas,” Virgil said as he sunk out.

“We’ll let you know some other time. Don’t you worry about us kiddo, just do what’s right for you,” Patton said, following Virgil.

“My boyfriend’s feral and I _love_ it!” Remus cheered and left Thomas sputtering as he and Logan sunk out together. Thomas looked at Roman and Janus for some explanation.

“Don’t ask, trust me,” Janus said with a wink.

He and Roman left the room and appeared in the mindscape where Virgil’s party balloons were still floating about. Patton kicked at one sadly. He looked at Virgil.

“Happy half-birthday kiddo,” he said, “sorry it got kinda-”

“Dramatic? Crazy? Wild?” Virgil asked and smiled. He flopped onto the couch, grabbed some cake with his hands, and grinned, “Wouldn’t want it any other way, pop star. Just glad it worked out…kinda.”

Patton beamed at him.

“Woohoo! Partay!” Remus cheered and spun Logan around. Patton put on some music, a mix of Virgil’s favorites and Patton’s which made for a very strange playlist. Roman laughed and dragged Janus into dancing with him.

Surprisingly, Janus took the lead and twirled Roman.

“Wha-” Roman started, face ablaze.

“Oh, I’m a _horrid_ dancer, Roman,” Janus said with a smirk, the same smirk that used to be so infuriating but was now almost addicting, and joined back with him. Roman grinned.

“Well, I know what we’re doing for your birthday.”

Janus rolled his eyes, letting Roman take lead, “My birthday isn’t for a while, Roman.”

Janus’s protests fell on deaf ears, “We shall have a grand ball! With a stage and floating lights and a balloon arch in your favorite color! Yellows of all shades shall decorate the walls and flowers!”

Janus snorted, he let Roman ramble for a while before stopping him.

“Well, that all sounds great, though yellow isn’t actually my favorite color.”

Roman stopped and frowned.

“What? Then what is it?”

Janus hummed, dipped Roman, then brought him up, “I’m not telling you.”

Roman sputtered, “Wha-why not?!”

Suddenly, Janus’s hat was back on Roman’s head, slightly going over his eyes. Roman went to lift the hat when he felt something soft against his lips. It was gone quickly and Roman took off the hat, blushing bright red.

“Because I think you can figure it out,” Janus said with a wink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!  
> If you’re reading this, it means that you’ve read to the end of one of my stories! THANK YOU so much for reading!! I know I say it every chapter, but it doesn’t diminish the fact that I’m truly grateful for every single comment, kudo, and person reading. This story, especially, is based off a lot of my experiences so thank you for taking the time to read it <3\. Despite how much I love writing and how cathartic it is to put words to paper, it’s the knowledge that somewhere out there is someone reading what I wrote that that inspires me to keep writing!  
> On that note (and I’ve been hinting at this a little in the comments, but warning for a self plug): *stares at my past few stories* alright, I love my favorite snake and prince, but *shoves them unceremoniously out of the spotlight* IT’S INTRULOGICAL HOURS BB
> 
> Did you enjoy this story? Are you itching for an adventure? A quest? If so, check out my next fic: Riddle Me This !
> 
> And of course, no matter what, thank you so much for reading THIS story. Until next time!


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